i think my temporary euphoria is wearing off

whoever had the idea that making a class at 7:18 and then having us take exams for said early class just as early is a joke! a joke that makes me want to peel the skin off of your face whilst laughing maniacally. last night i slept for about 4 hours, got up at 11 pm and started my debauchery of studying... til 5 AM! i then decided that it would be a good idea to get to class early, i could find my seat, review the test info and take that stupid-ass exam. only to my amazement the doors to the building were locked so i got to stand in the cold with a fellow student for 45 minutes! HELLO! what is wrong with the campus? but i guess it wasn't too bad because at that exact moment i felt like i was floating across paved roads to a cloud of wonderfulness.

i'm not so sure that i did well on the quiz that my teacher made us take in addition to the exam, but i'm thinking that i did OK on the exam itself. i know for a fact i already missed 2 questions, but i did get the extra credit right... awoo-hoo!!

i'm going to clean and then take a nap. this evening is going to be filled with dream wonderfulness, especially since i will be in bed for the evening in about 4 hours and counting. 7 o'clock... here i come!

yay!

my bathing suit top is being mailed too... awoo-hoo!! for bathing a full bathing suit!

12:25pm

and i'm ridiculously hot

i forgot to mention

what i forgot to mention is that about a month ago i ordered a new bathing suit out of the Victoria's Secret catalogue. it's called the "tuxedo bikini" complete with little bows on the bottoms and one on the top. well it was on back order... no problem right? i got an email today saying the bottoms are being shipped, but where's the top? am i not supposed to have a top? i guess i will be forced to go topless and it will be all Victoria's Secrets fault. at least that's what i'm going to say if anyone asks. i'll keep you posted when it arrives. i'm excited!

I think Karma's going to get me...

this morning upon my journey back to my car, there were about 2 cars waiting for students to go to their cars so they could take their parking spots. normally, i just tell whoever is waiting where my car is because these students still have to get to class on time and there is nothing i hate more than fighting other students for parking. so as i am walking, i am approached by a nameless girl, cuz i kind of didn't ask. she proceeded to ask me if i was leaving, my answer of course being yes, and then she asked if i could wait for her. but then there was this asshole in a truck that decided he didn't want her to have said spot and was blocking her. i was standing right there, and i didn't quite know what to do so i got in her car and she drove over to my car. i felt so bad for her because she told me that she had a midterm in like 5 minutes and this guy was being a dueche! he was such an ass that he was trying to guess where my car was so that he could block either one of us from me leaving and her parking there. eventually he creeped along a little too far and alas there was victory! but i'm still pretty certain that since i was evading him getting the spot that Karma is going to get me... but i guess we'll see.

don't yawn in my face, Rosco

I have been in a funk these past few days, well because pretty much everyone around me has too and I'm sick of it. Friday was actually a good day, but then later fell apart... continuing my funk. Yesterday i went to an antique mall with a girlfriend of mine who i haven't seen in forever and it was wonderful! i found this awful tiger velvet painting that i just had to get. (I'll take pictures soon) Either way, I didn't get home til real late last night and since Rosco had been cooped up all night, I felt bad and decided that I would sleep out in the living room with him. BAD decision, i froze and the damn creature wouldn't calm down to save my life. Now it is about 11 am, I want to go back to sleep but my other half has stolen my blanket as well. So I think that I'll go for cheese. I have been fending for Brie and besides I'm all out of Parmesan. Trader Joe's... here I come!

April 9, 2008

The sky is falling in drops. Not enough to dampen or damage, just enough to layer the pavement in sorrows. Last night was the most un-meaningful in a long time. Rolling over to sleep can seem most unforgiving. A not so lazy Sunday is in the horizon because of business and machinery. Classes are demanding of hours and minutes with few breaks in between. My new favorite sparkle is a Bosc Dla Rei Moscato D'Asti, and a pilgrimage to restock is coming without a doubt. My spirits are low for no particular reason, and the bed sheets are calling my name while customers are screaming at me from the other side through a microphone. Ugh, another day meanders on at a slow crawl as the ice pick shoves deeper in before nightfall. Hopefully it will help me sleep better tonight. If you're in the neighborhood, don't stop by, instead listen to "Your Shoes and the World to Come", it's melodic and wonderful, encasing my entire mood and outlook of April 9, 2008; a Wednesday I am soon to forget.

April 10, 2008 --- feels the same today.

I think i have new neighbors...

because there is salsa music coming from my ceiling!

Thow the bowl out the window, then: cover teh stove with a blanket

i love love LOVE buying fresh produce, so anytime i go to the grocery it's like a candy store. so yesterday i bought these mangoes that were on sale, 3 for $1.00, i know! i would have been crazy to pass it up. well i bought 6 (Ha!). they are smaller than regular mangoes but i bought two of them last week and they were pretty tasty. not so much the case about 3 minutes ago. i'm about to leave for work and looking for tasty morsels for breakfast. one english muffin just won't do it and as i'm poking around my kitchen, my eyes lock on those little green/yellow/red delights. i gladly slice one open, put the little score marks to make little squares, invert the peels and start chowing down. all of a sudden my face squishes up as there is this hateful sour taste in my mouth! this thing is POTENT. it tastes like a combination between an orange and sour patch kids with a hint, just a hint of mango. to my dismay, i chased it with a marshmallow. Ick! i feel like my lips are going to shrivel up and my head is pounding, i think they tried to kill me. i think they are called artafulo, maybe artafaulo?, artufalo? i don't know, we'll settle on calling them aguilera mangoes. i think i got a bad one...

he's officially sick and i'm officially stupid

to put it on the record, i have a bad habit of not thinking before i speak and it usually ends up to be either real embarrassing or real funny. apparently, yesterday at work my co worker and i were talking briefly about school and the dorms and yadda yadda yadda... i then proceed to ask her if she got a "melanoma shot" before moving into the dorms. she was such a sport about not wanting to make me feel stupid, but since i started laughing hysterically, i guess that's what outed me! what i meant to ask was whether or not she got her meningitis shot. Ha!


my poor boo is sick. urgent care said he may have bronchitis, but today we're going to get a different opinion from a family doctor they recommended him to. i feel bad for him, and Rosco keeps trying to lick his face. he just wants to give the kisses.

i think we're going to go look at houses today too.. yay!

How Does Surgery Change Your Genetic Predisposition?

While this may be a very controversial topic, I still cannot help myself from commenting on what it is that I am seeing and hearing in relation to a new book. The book is called Pretty Is What Changes written by a woman by the name of Jessica Queller, and it chronicles her journey through having a double mastectomy. While the subject matter is not completely horrifying, it's the reasoning behind it. This morning on the radio on my way to school I was listening to NPR and the host of that morning talk show was interviewing Jessica Queller, hence the connection of how I have heard of the book. Jessica briefly discusses how she decided to undergo a voluntary double mastectomy due to the fact that she had tested positive for the "BRCA" gene. Basically what that is is it's a hereditary gene that gives you a higher potential of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer. The gene can be mutated, and only 1 in about 800 people have it. She talks briefly as well about how her mother had died of ovarian cancer, prompting her to have the test done.

Now, all of that I don't have a problem with per say because I would have had the test done too. What I had a problem with is how she, what seemed to me, glorified the death of her mother and her surgery. She was saying about how her "beautiful, vibrant mother" had died from a "terrible, agonizing" battle with ovarian cancer and she did not want to go through the same thing. Watching her mother battle the cancer was the most terrifying experience for her, as it should be. I would never wish upon anyone to have to watch their parents die. As a result, she wanted to eliminate the odds of battling cancer before it had become substantial in her life. But as the interview progresses, she is talking about how she had breast re-constructive surgery, a standard procedure with every mastectomy, and even though she had tested positive for being at en even higher risk of ovarian cancer she decided not to have her ovaries removed. That in my mind immediately set off a red flag. How is one person going to talk about a life changing decision and surgery without going through with the one procedure to get rid of the disease that ended up killing her mother? Her whole basis for getting tested, and her whole basis for getting genetic counseling, etc. ultimately leading her to the current lifestyle changes she has made currently is being bypassed.

The first word that came to mind was hypocrite and later being followed by vanity. At that moment I felt all she was trying to do was justify getting a boob job by making it seem as though her life was in danger and this is something she HAD to do. As the interview progresses she explains how she wants to still have biological children and since she is still single and dating, it would shut down her odds of living that dream; hence the reason for not having her ovaries removed. From what I heard, she is now 38 years old and when she hits 40 she is then going to have her ovaries removed because women who bare children in there 40's is considered "prudent". So now as my rationale is starting to kick in a bit, I still feel as though this Jessica Queller is trying to make something out of a horrible situation. I know that sounds a bit harsh and even in my mind that's not how I work, so I told myself to stop being judgmental and I put it out of my mind.

Meanwhile, as the day is progressing and later into the evening when I am cleaning my kitchen it still keeps popping up in my mind. If what she is doing is really going to make a "difference" in her health then why didn't she go through with the removal of her ovaries in the first place? If she is so concerned, can she not develop ovarian cancer within the 4 years or so after having the double mastectomy? What about the life threatening consequences of anesthesia while she is having her breasts removed? There are still ways in which to preserve those eggs, and in any case if she does want a child, what is wrong with adopting? Are the children without parents not good enough? Furthermore, if this hereditary gene is something that she is scared to death of, why would she want to possibly pass that onto her child? I have played the entire thing in my mind dozens of times today. The pros of having the surgery means no cancer. The cons is that she has fake breasts instead of real ones, and instead of having ovaries she doesn't. But the kicker is that there is still no guarantee of not getting cancer, and the question of "How is this going to make a difference?" still isn't being answered; and while she does had the BRCA gene, there is still no guarantee that she will develop cancer. Technically I should be tested for the BRCA gene as well considering that my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor, and with only have a 32A cup, I too would like bigger breasts, but how is it going to change anything genetically?

The only way that I'm going to have any kind of answers or closure would be to read the book. Hopefully it will change my mind and I can see how her decision is a positive thing for her. Perhaps that's just what she needed to heal herself... who knows?! I have dozens of questions and no place to answer them. I plan on reading that book within the next few months and I can only hope that I will have a different approach to the one I have now.

Comments? Please feel free to leave 'em. The web address for the audio interview can be found at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89266091. It is only about 7 minutes long.