another level of dedication

There are some recent divorces occurring in my outer circles of family and friends, which i find astounding. As a child my parents divorced multiple times, including step parents. By the time I was 12 I had experienced a total of three divorces. Maybe I have a skewed vision of what marriage should be, but I can't get it out of my head how couples fall out of love. OK, I'm mean it's pretty obvious that it happens. I'm not a complete idiot. I am mainly talking about the commitment aspect of it. There are a million reasons why trust is broken, people don't get along, etc. Maybe I am naive on some scale as I did just get married and come next Sunday I will be celebrating my one year anniversary with the love of my life. Or maybe we are just the old fashioned couple who are genuinely friends first and foremost. We talk all the time via text, phone conversation, at home; you get the gist. We took our time getting married and we made sure it's what we wanted.

I'm not saying that my relationship is 100% perfect, it's definitely something that has to be worked on. I guess mainly our level of dedication is what counts. The point I'm trying to make; at what stage do the couples let it all go. At what stage does the toilet flush and all the vows and kind words go with the flow of the water into the drain and finally to the shit hole of a sewage tank? As of the current moment, I will never know. Which I am ultimately thankful for. I don't ever want to get to that point to where I stop respecting my husband as a person, as a father, as my best friend, and lastly as my husband. He's the world to me.

what a day, what a day

i am currently sleep deprived, cold, and in need of studying for test number two. i decided to stay up late last night to study for test number one. but to no avail that didn't suffice. i don't know why i feel as though i can study late at night. it's fine if i already know the material, but i didn't. needless to say after that first exam i feel dumber than a box of rocks. it's my own fault, so i can't be bitter. man i really need to get my shit together.

i had the best day yesterday with my son. he is so wonderful on so many levels. he can still be a pain in the ass, but man is he awesome. i love his little face and his little hands. i love the way he smells and the sounds he makes when he tries to talk. i love washing his clothes because they smell so great coming out of the dryer, and i love that when he is in bed i can hug his clothes. he has been such a firecracker and has stressed me out to no end. but i wouldn't change it for the world. no one can ever truly emulate how great you feel and how much wholeness and joy seeing your child brings to your life. knowing that he's completely innocent and relies on you for everything. i love giving him hugs, i love the way he looks at the world with utter astonishment with those chubby little cheeks. i love rocking him to sleep at night, and i love that he can finally hold his own bottle. i love being able to grow with him and i love the fact that i can teach him how to be such a wonderful person. i love... him

well i started my post in a bitch fest, but that last paragraph has turned my day around already. now i'm going to take my iced coffee and bad complexion and start cramming for test number two. hopefully i won't be a complete idiot during the next test like i was for the first.

wish me luck.

drink chocolate

i have been having those feelings again. the feelings that everything is almost always impossible. for instance, driving on the highway. in a city of a stupid amount of people, why can't anyone learn to drive? there is a merge lane for a reason. there are most certainly blinkers for a reason, hence the reason i use them. i know it may be difficult to have the eye attract towards a blinking yellow oblong shape, but how else am i supposed to alert you i am changing lanes. so why can't you just let me over? another fantastic concept that has all but flown out the window is common courtesy and respect for others. when i am on campus for classes, i have to take the shuttle bus. it's convenient and easy. you get on, sit down, arrive at your destination, and get off. but to others, when getting on they feel as though the people getting off are stupid. that they deserve the right to bombard their way onto the bus even though there's nowhere to go yet because nobody can get off. or how about, when there are two of me and one of you, you take the only open two seated bench. i'm glad you really needed that window seat to read your book. i guess you couldn't have done that in the aisle seat. apparently you feel as though my sister and i have to sit at different ends of the bus. or how about when Time Warner Cable took $80.00 out of my account when i sent them a check for $30. they still have yet to give me my $50 back and then made an adjustment on my bill charging me an additional $80.00.

I really don't understand what happened to the 'do unto others as you would have done to you', or just the plain old concept of being nice. that person you're being an ass to is a friend, sister, mother, brother, parent, etc. just like you are. they're aren't so different. so from now on, get your shit together people.